Breaking Point
by EvilChinchilla
Summary: Alone in a white room, Allen can not help but think that he is meant to just play the piano and die alone. However, can that change with the help of the stoic Kanda? Or will Kanda just harm the boy even further? Yullen!
1. Prologue

Dislcaimer-You know...it's a shot to my ego everytime I claim that I do not own the manga or anime.

* * *

A melodious tone danced in the air, crying its pitiful sorrow as the keys of a piano were pushed down softly. Blending and mixing, it cried and bled emotion. Warm, yet soft, the calming music had a feathered edge, softening the hearts and minds of any listeners.

Alone, in a white room, Allen played his sorrowful tune that seemed to remind him of his troubles. Yet he could not seem to turn his back on the piano. His hands instinctually repeated the piece, softly tapping the keys as, once more, the room is filled with the pitiful life created by music.

The tone had dimmed, giving the white room a darker out take. It still contained the soft edge but somehow struck the heart's cords much like the hammers that tapped the strings inside the device. The song still continued to dance and drift, preserving the remaining life left within the boy and the room.

Sky-gray eyes clouded with fear and an immense sorrow tuned into the song. His heart melted as each key seemed to tell a story and each note seemed to lull back his pain. Snow colored hair limply lay against the sides of the boy's face, moving with each small movement and shake when Allen finally reached his breaking point. The last note was hit clumsily, causing the song to lose it's entrancing spell.

Once more the white room became lifeless. Not even a pitiful being danced it's sorrowful dance. Allen only sat on the wooden bench perched just before the instrument. His mind reeled in the past events revolving around his concept of freedom and love and Mana.

Mana…who had Mana loved? The small fragile child whose parents cast away? Or…

Allen looked to the window. He saw the shadowed being smiling brightly, encouraging the child to play. "Play." the reflection said. "Play." it repeated once more when Allen hadn't moved. The boy nodded, understanding that that is his destiny. To play until his final breath, to be taken over by the being his foster father adored till death. Allen knew he was to die alone because who could ever love a cursed being?

Again he played. He played until his fingers became raw and even then, Allen still continued to play.

"Moyashi!" his pitiful entrance was broken upon the familiar voice of his comrade. Lost gray eyes looked towards the man who interrupted his solitude. He was only greeted with the sight of an angry Kanda scowling like a father would to their child. "Who the fuck said you could leave?" Allen weakly laughed.

"Sorry Kanda. I just…wanted to play." unintentionally Allen pushed down on the warm piano keys, tapping them in a rhythmic manner. Kanda stood, unsure of what to do, watching as Allen continued to play a random, low pitched tune.

"Whatever. The Nurse is throwing a fit because you up and disappeared. Now get your lazy ass back to the medical wing-" threatening words died in his throat as he watched the boy's face look sadly to the instrument. The tune has changed and was once more being played into the same song he had memorized.

"Play." again, it spoke. "Play. Play." Allen listened to that voice as his body mechanically played. If it was possible, the same song had become even more pitiful. It's same keys wailing and crying, dancing about in the room and filling it with life once more. The sadness accumulated, causing foreign emotions to well up within Kanda.

Kanda felt as if a heavy burden was suddenly placed on his shoulders. Unfairly shoved onto him. The man's throat dried and once cold blood began to move throughout his body once more. Allen continued to play, his body nothing more than a fragile shell that only obeyed the demanding commands of the 14th.

"Play." the shadow commanded. "Play!"

Allen wanted to lash out at the shadow. He wanted to scream that he had played enough. But his body betrayed him. The boy could not escape the fate bestowed upon him.

"Moyashi," Allen heard Kanda whisper with a chocked emotion. Soon small hands were engulfed by much larger ones and the snow haired Exorcist was forced to look into the Japanese's eyes that were bleeding with worry and a sadness Allen did not know could exist. "Please stop playing." their gaze held.

"Play." the boy heard.

"Stop, please." Kanda pleaded.

Allen heard the two conflicting ideas. Two opposing forces tearing apart his mind. One filling him with guilt while the other simply stole away each breath he made.

"Play!" the 14th demanded angrily as the boy was spellbound by the dark haired male's eyes.

"Moyashi, stop, please."

He was lost to a sea of battles. His own will crushed by a being that slowly would take over him. Allen could no longer fight off the insanity that was sure to follow. Even as tears clung to wide clouded eyes and even as a hoarse voice begged for the chaotic war to end, it didn't. Allen could only cry as two separate voices commanded his betraying body to do different tasks. Stop. Play. Live. Die. Allen could no longer tell which agony was better; it seemed to be hell either way.

A hand brushed against a tear that rolled defiantly down the pale cheek of the Exorcist. Allen saw the sudden concern that Kanda had directed towards him. The boy had no idea the other was capable of such an emotion. It seemed to be the case as he embraced the sobbing soldier and whispered soothing lies that would be drowned out within time.

And as Allen cried within Kanda's arms he saw the demonic shadow frown, fading away for another day. Again, Allen was himself, no longer captivated by the brilliant piano nor entranced by the hypnotic room. But the accommodator could not stop the onslaught of tears nor the agony echoing within his beating heart. So the boy cried, continuing to cry for all the tears he had not shed. He cried for Cross who is presumed to be dead; he cried for Mana and the man's hardships; he cried for himself, now understanding how a caged bird felt as the so distant sky called out to them. The so distant freedom dangling out of reach.

Freedom.

Allen wanted to be free from the twisted road he was forced to walk alone.

He clutched the other's dark colored shirt tightly while burying his shameful tears into the warm chest of Kanda. In return, Kanda wrapped his arms around the breaking soldier, hushing the painful cries with sugar coated words.

"I'm tired." Allen whispered, sinking into the blackness that was obstructing his view other the beautiful man comforting him in his time of need.

"Then sleep." and sleep Allen did.

* * *

I'm sorry this is so poorly written. -bows to any readers who do read this- I've tried different story ideas and this is the only one with a completed plot...kinda. Just enough to get me started. So yeah, sorry for the over usage of the word 'the', their names, 'pitiful', 'sorrow', 'sorrowful', 'sadness' etc. And sorry for the many commas I inserted in there. I was trying to get off the word 'the'. So, sorry. If any of you have any tips on that I'm more than willing to listen.

Oh yeah! And sorry if it didn't make sense and sounds kinda choppy. I will review this prologue later and hopefully be able to edit it, once I have at least a few more chapters. ^^ So review! Tell me your thoughts and when I can correct when I have the time. Well, Chinchilla out!


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm getting really tired of saying that...

* * *

Gently, almost as if handling china glass, did Kanda pick up the sleeping boy. Cold blue eyes glanced at the pale face that seemed to become even paler with each passing day. Black bags hung underneath closed eyes while pink lips were parted slightly to breathe in air. Kanda listened; he listened to the soft and delicate breathing; he listened to the small incoherent mumbling that came about from time to time. Kanda just listened while cradling the fifteen year old in him arms.

"Baka Moyashi." the older teen mumbled, getting up in the process to head back to the Order. God only knew what Lavi and Lenalee were doing in attempts to find the small Exorcist.

A small frown settled onto his flawless face as his arms adjusted to the lack of weight on Allen's part. Allen seemed to weight next to nothing even though he was still a growing boy-though he did not look it at times and many teased that Allen would forever remain a bean sprout. Kanda only worried slightly, brushing off the feeling due to his pride. If the Moyashi wanted to get sick then so be it, it was not the swordsman's place to care.

Kanda walked away, giving the white room one last disgusted glance before heading to the exit. He was honestly glad to be away from that room. The room seemed to bring out feelings and thoughts that he would have much rather buried. It seemed that that room was designed to bring out the sorrow of life and the tragedies that had occurred. The room brought out the worst, Kanda could tell, as it seemed to bring Allen closer and closer each time to his breaking point. Again, he pushed down the feelings of concern and worry that was beginning to resurface. It was not his duty to baby-sit the teen.

The exit was within sight, relief and yet a small amount of regret coursed through his body. Relief that the burden of dealing with the emotion baggage would be passed onto someone else, but regret at the fact that he could no longer touch the soft skin of his desire. No one would know nor shall at the fact that Yuu Kanda had, at some point in his crazy life, fallen head over heels for the white haired Exorcist. The being in his arms had captured his heart with no means of giving it back. _It doesn't matter._Kanda blankly thought, passing through the door and back towards the place that they called 'home'. _I would never live up to his expectations._

"Yuu-chan! You found the bean sprout!" the red head called out relieved. Kanda unconsciously tightened his grip around the boy's sleeping figure as his 'friend' approached.

"Don't call me that you idiot!" an automatic response was shot out. Lavi ignored the usual comment, taking the sleeping burden from the dark haired male. With reluctance, Kanda did pass on the burden.

"Was he…in that room again?" Lavi whispered, adjusting to the newly added weight in his arms. The boy had yet to stir and continued to sleep blissfully unaware of all the worry he had caused. Kanda nodded carelessly. His stoic façade once more setting in. An olive eye filled with worry and sorrow, narrowing disapprovingly towards the sleeping teen. "I hate that room." Kanda stood unsure of what to do. He had never heard the amount of venom and malice spoken by the red head. Then again, he understood the hatred towards that insane room.

"Che." he walked away feeling more cold and alone than he thought possible. All because the white haired exorcist had to fall apart in a damn white room.

* * *

Days passed and Kanda had yet to hear of what happened to Allen. Even though worry had claimed his senses the Japanese male did not attempt to find out, stubbornly pushing away all emotions revolving around the small Exorcist. He constantly told himself that it was not his place to care or that it did not matter, what is fated to happen would happen. Finally after many days of nonstop worry news had arrived.

"Kanda?" a gentle voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "You haven't seen Allen-kun yet?" Lenalee looked towards him, her eyes filled with an angered glint yet shrouded with worry. He huffed, hoping that he would not have to explain his lack of presence in the infirmary. "He's awake now and he keeps asking about you." she whispered, looking everywhere besides the Japanese accommodator. Kanda gave away nothing, acting like the gray brick walls in the hall they were currently at. He stood there, blank faced, emotionless.

"What the hell does he want?" Kanda bit out, attempting to sound as angry and bitter as possible. An amazing feat on his part, considering nothing but worry and fear plagued him the last few days. Lenalee flinched before stiffening in anger.

"He just wants to know if you're alright!" the female lashed out, momentarily surprising the other. "I don't know why you're the only one who can console him, but Allen just wants to see you!"

A moment of betray flashed through his ocean eyes before becoming the blank gems that they were. He couldn't see Allen because he is afraid to taint the pure boy who is already struggling with his own problems.

"It just proves how much of an idiot that bean sprout really is then." Kanda shrugged off, faking the anger and boredom in his voice. So much lying, surely he would be sent to hell for that alone. Lenalee frowned, unsure of what to do at her friend's response.

"He's breaking Kanda…" weakly she said, wanting the dark haired man to understand that Allen could possibly disappear before their very eyes. She saw a different reaction, one she had not expected from her Japanese friend. His eyes narrowed, softening with anguish at the knowledge of the small exorcist.

"I know." Kanda heaved a heavy sigh. His mind was whirling about, so many thoughts and so many wishes he wanted to fulfill before the exorcist did disappear. However, his pride stood in the way as well as his fear of contaminating the boy. After all, it is a sin to love one of the same gender and Kanda did not wish to put Allen through that hardship. "But it's foolish to have me be his lifeline," _I'll only end up breaking him even further. "_He really is a Baka Moyashi."

Lenalee watched her friend, hearing the uncaring tone but yet she could still hear the amount of worry and concern along with the anguished gaze given towards the gray floor. Though she heard Kanda insult Allen, she somehow understood that Kanda was hiding behind a hateful façade.

"He's in the infirmary if you want to see him." the girl mumbled out before leaving. Kanda just watched her back disappear from view. The overwhelming feelings had yet to numb and his mind contemplated the pros and cons of visiting the white haired exorcist. After a long, silent ten minuets, the soft sound of combat boots echoed through the dark, narrow halls that lead towards the infirmary.

* * *

Allen watched the unchanging wall. It was white, the same color as that damn room he had been trying to escape. No matter how far he ran, that room always seemed to call him back, beckoning him with his tragedies, summoning him with his sorrow and then forcing him to play the melodious piano that ate away at his sanity and, possibly, life. Being stranded in the infirmary was no different that being trapped in the white room inside the arc. The only difference, however, was the lack of piano within the infirmary.

The boy sighed, fighting off the overwhelming depression that had now clutched his beating heart and haunting his confused mind. "I need to get out of here." Allen mumbled, stretching his stiff limbs and caught a glance at the very center of his hardship. Even though Allen hates to admit it, his innocence was the very source of his problems. So much confusion had occurred, so much hardship and pain all because of the weapon within his left arm. Yet, the very weapon that had given him life, had also given him a sense of death.

The door slammed open, ending the trail of depressing thoughts running through Allen's mind. Grey eyes widened at the sight of a stoic Kanda striding forward towards his bed. The long haired man glanced down with cold, stone eyes, noting the small smile etched into the younger's face. Kanda sighed and grabbed a close by chair.

"Lenalee said you wanted to talk to me?" he leaned back, looking rather bored.

"About the time at the arc…" Allen trailed off, watching and waiting for a reaction that was to ensue. Kanda weakly glared.

"What about that time?" he growled. The boy's eyes dropped a bit, dimming with a sorrow none could imagine.

"You…well…you were nice and caring. You-" he was caught off by an angry huff.

"You fucking wish." Kanda glared coldly. Allen gulped down the onslaught of emotions. He should have realized that the Kanda that had saved him from the white room that day was just a mere figment of his imagination. That type of Kanda did not exist. "You were delusional by the time I found you Baka Moyashi." Allen wished to disappear. The man before him was only feeding the depression threatening to consume him and tear him apart.

"But you-"

"But I what?" Kanda raised a fine brow, wishing more than ever to hug the boy tightly and wipe away all the sorrow that was as plain as day on the pale face of his. "I didn't do a damn thing but walk in and pick up your sorry, lazy ass." Allen was near tears and Kanda had found it hard to resist the temptation of kissing the porcelain cheek of the other. "Now if there's nothing useful for you to say, I'm leaving." Kanda then stood, turned and left. Being in the same room with someone he cared for so much and to say those harmful things was probably the hardest thing he had ever done.

* * *

As soon as the door had closed shut, the tears collected in gray eyes broke forth, dampening his pale cheeks with a salty river. Allen was beyond crushed. He thought that maybe just maybe there was someone close by who could love him for him, proving himself wrong that he would not die alone in the white room playing a piano.

A crooked smile weakly spread across Allen's face and soon followed with a dark chuckle. His hands flew to his face and gripped the roots of his white bangs harshly as the stab of sorrow continued to bleed away. "I guess I'm right…I'm going to die alone."

* * *

Kanda stood on the other side of the door, hearing the broken sobs and the lifeless sentence humorously chuckled out by the boy. Never in his life did he want to run his prized possession through himself. Now, he felt that that would not be punishment enough for harming such a fragile and broken creature.

"Yuu-chan!" rang out a badly timed voice.

Lavi was once more reintroduced with Mugen.

* * *

Okay, okay, I am SO sorry for all the mistakes that are within this chapter. Also! Thank you Sora pwns x3 for pointing out all of my horrible mistakes! I will attempt to edit the chapter as soon as I can! I just first wanted to get a few more chapters out of the way. AND I'm so sorry for not updating sooner! I was grounded. Sorry! And thank you to those that reviewed! Thank you Sora pwns x3, lordvio, Aion Laven Walker and Erendyce! (If I spelled any of your names wrong, I'm SO sorry!!!)

Chinchilla out!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer- ...not mine...

* * *

Lavi pouted, ignoring the stares given due to his childish antics. "You know you didn't have to decapitate me!" he cried out towards his long haired friend. Kanda snorted.

"You're still talking aren't you? I'll fix that mistake though if need be." The red head shuddered, Kanda was not in a good mood. In fact, that was the closest Kanda had ever come to slicing his head clean off.

The two were currently walking down the hall that lead to Komui's office. Lavi just tagged along since it was just Kanda who needed the briefing, he just figured that maybe he could have some fun teasing his friend. Though after being in a life or death situation with the broody swordsman, he decided it was just best to see his friend off to the meeting…and maybe figure out why he was so pissed off.

"Nee, Yuu-chan," Lavi noticed the small twitch in Kanda's hand that was hovering over his precious sword, "why are you so angry? I mean…it looked like you wanted an excuse to maim something." Unfortunately, Lavi always felt being blunt was better. The Japanese male stiffened, fully gripping Mugen's hilt. The other gulped audibly, hoping he would come out of the lashings unscathed.

"The Moyashi just pisses me off." Kanda growled, never relinquishing his grip on the hilt of the sword.

"Really?" Lavi blinked, quite confused as to how Allen managed to constantly get under Kanda's skin. The raven haired male nodded with a scowl. "How so? I mean, Allen gets along with everyone! He never-"

"I'm going through this door and you better disappear before the briefing is over." Kanda spoke, already reaching for the door handle. Lavi stood, silent for once. He shook his head from side to side and walked away. Kanda just sighed, happy to be away from his 'friend' but angry that his relaxation time was no more thanks to this new mission spontaneously assigned to him by Komui. May God have mercy on his soul, Kanda was in a foul mood.

He opened the door, not surprised by the mess, but surprised that-even though he had a clearly pissed off expression- Komui tried to hug the unfriendly Exorcist.

"Kanda! My, my, how have you been? I've been great! I've been working on-" The babbling scientist froze when a very sharp metallic sword was mere centimeters away from his nose. "Well…straight to the point then?" Komui gulped. The threat was sheathed and Komui finally began the briefing.

* * *

That had been the longest briefing of Kanda's life, or so he deemed. Komui constantly kept going off topic and more than once had the crazy scientist brought up the Moyashi into the conversation. But when all was said and done, Kanda still had no damn idea what his mission was. All he remembered was a small town, surrounded by forests and blah, blah, blah. _I think that's when he went off about the souvenir Lenalee got him._ He blankly thought, leaving the accursed room to pack his belongings. Lavi had taken the 'kind' advice Kanda had left him, or at least Kanda couldn't see the annoying red head anywhere. He didn't care, just as long as he could get his things and leave in peace.

Passing the other resident's rooms he saw snowy white hair walking in the same direction he was just coming from. Glazed silver eyes looked towards the ground. The round, golden, golem sat quietly on top of his white hair, hitching a free ride from his master as Allen walked quietly down the hall. The boy didn't even notice the dark haired male when he walked by. Instead, he continued down his long trek to Komui's office about something. Allen hadn't paid attention to what Lavi said. Kanda just stood there, wishing to pull the smaller exorcist into a hug but refrained from doing so, wishing to keep his pride intact and not wanting to feed false hopes to the boy.

Kanda growled; why the hell did he have to fall in love with someone so fragile?

* * *

Allen walked into Komui's office. The office was as messy as usual, scattered papers, mounds of papers and the book case all unorganized from Komui's lack of cleanliness. The scientist was currently gushing over the mug Lenalee had brought back from he last mission, proudly showing it off to all unfortunate souls who happened to be passing by.

"Excuse me." Allen said, entering and seating himself on the only clean part of the room: the couch.

"Aha! Allen-kun!" Komui cheered, happily sitting back down in his chair. "I have a mission for you! I'm sure you've already heard that considering it was Lavi who got you-"

"I don't mean to sound rude but could you please get to the point?" He smiled apologetically. _Head hurts…_ Allen blankly thought as Komui nodded and dove right into the briefing.

"Well, a small town here in Britain has been closed off by the nearby forest. We sent a few Finders to investigate but they were unable to make it through the thickets that grew nearby. One even claimed that when they tried to cut their way through several more trees grew and soon attacked them." Allen nodded. "So, I'm assigning you and Kanda to investigate!" The scientist cheered. The boy stopping thinking for a moment and then paled. Sending him with Kanda was just like giving him a slow killing poison that painfully killed the victim. Allen's mind once more rebooted and a sad smile formed onto his sorrowful face. Komui looked to the boy in worry as a pathetic chuckle escaped the trembling form.

"That's a painful suicide Komui." Allen forcefully chuckled, willing away the forming tears as he looked down to hide his shame.

* * *

Kanda looked around his room once more, hoping he hadn't forgotten anything important. Mugen: Check. Yes, he had everything. He looked disdainfully to the small suitcase that contained extra clothing packed by Lenalee since she knew Kanda did not mind wearing the same outfit for days at a time. It was not like it mattered since his outfits all looked similar to one another; no one would notice. Grudgingly, Kanda took a hold of the suitcase and headed towards the meet up point. He only stopped when he saw Allen carrying a suitcase as well and Lenalee mother henning the boy.

"Are you sure you're up to it Allen-kun? I mean you've been really tired lately and you were just released from the infirmary just a bit ago." She asked worriedly. Allen looked up with a small smile, hoping she would just assume he was okay and leave.

"I'm fine. The Head Nurse wouldn't let me leave if I wasn't." He knew that was a lie, if Leverrier wanted him to go on a mission the second he returned with blood oozing out of a deadly battle wound, then he would have to without complaint. But Lenalee didn't need to know that.

The girl hesitantly nodded, reluctant to agree with him on that point.

"Okay. Just be careful Allen-kun. We don't need you to come back a mess again." Lenalee smiled gently. Allen nodded.

"Well, I better go. See you later Lenalee." He smiled and headed towards the meeting point.

Kanda stood stiffly as Allen approached him. Go figure, he feeds the boy false hopes in the damn white room, hurts him and now he's on a mission with him. Was there irony in that?

"Hello Kanda." Allen smiled, as if Kanda had not harmed the boy only a few hours ago. The older exorcist twitched in anger.

"Lets get going." He growled out and stormed away to leave the building. Allen followed, not wanting to get lost as they made their way to the train station.

They walked to cold streets, not bothering with the other's presence. Both were off in their own little worlds. Silence had settled between the two and neither were willing to break it. Fresh rain fell, creating a peaceful noise.

_Mana and I used to play in the rain._ Allen thought and looked to the gray colored sky. Dark storm clouds covered the sun and propelled the town into a light darkness. He pushed down the onslaught of emotions welling within his body at the though of his beloved foster father. _Mana…_ The man's image was still in his mind, though the picture was beginning to fade with time, he could still make out his foster father who he loved so much. So much that it hurt to realize that it may not have been him Mana loved. _Who did Mana love? Me? Or…_ He walked by a small shop and saw the dark being in his reflection, the ever present wide grin attempting to command him. _Him?_

Allen jerked his head away from the window and focused on the wet asphalt.

Kanda had witnessed it all, though. The sorrowful look from whatever was going through the other's mind, the distasteful look as he stared at his reflection from a nearby window and then the sadness that glazed over his eyes as he jerked away and looked to the ground. Kanda forced himself to remain stoic even though he desperately wanted to cling onto the child and whisk away all his pain. But he couldn't. He couldn't drag the boy into a different type of pain, the pain of a sinner.

Kanda could harm Allen any further then he already had.

"We're here." Allen mumbled and pointed to the small line that led to their train. The elder shrugged and walked into the line, not catching the numb gaze from lost gray eyes.

_I don't want him to walk the path of a sinner._ Kanda told himself as he stepped into the line. Allen had followed, spacing out into his own world and only moving when he felt a great distance between him and the other exorcist.

Allen just followed the older teen onto the train, as lost as the day Mana died and as numb as the day he turned his father into an Akuma.

* * *

Okay, I am SO sorry about the long wait!!! I did not mean to make you guys wait so long! And I'm sorry for making you wait so long and giving you a short chapter! I will, hopefully, make the next chapter longer. In the mean time, I am sorry for all of my mistakes that I did not catch. Thank you Sora pwns x3 for pointing out my mistakes and sorry that my grammer mistakes are distracting. And thank you all kind reviewers: RoseKurenai, Allen-Is-Mine, Erendyce, Sora pwns x3, glon morski, Aion Laven Walker and Whisperypath! Thank you so much!

Chinchilla out!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: ...yeah, not mine.

* * *

The train ride itself was uneventful. Nothing but an awkward silence loomed between the pair. Allen refused to make eye contact with Kanda and Kanda simply indulged in the blissful peace. Though the swordsman did silently wish that the boy would not look so hurt and vulnerable.

Allen stared out of the window, not concentrating on the images whirling by but rather the figure staring back at him. The black embodiment that made his life a living hell would just smile broadly, as if happy that it was causing the boy so much torture. The thing would smile and then continue to command Allen to play a non existing piano.

"Play. Play." It would continue to say. Allen just wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and break the window so he wouldn't have to hear that voice again. Instead he averted his gaze to his hand. The black weapon of God that had brought him so much and took away so much. Even though he couldn't remember the faces of his mother and father, it did count as a loss. He lost his family. He lost them more than once. His hand tightened, clutching the pants of his uniform in attempts to bring him back to the present.

"We're here." Kanda mumbled, catching Allen's attention. The boy nodded and collected his things. Kanda grabbed his one suitcase and exited the cart. The younger exorcist followed, clutching onto Kanda's jacket when he realized that the train was still moving. His brows furrowed for a moment before it processed.

"Isn't jumping off a train dangerous?" Allen asked, following Kanda when he climbed up to the top of the train.

"About as dangerous as jumping onto one."

Cold air assaulted them and high winds threatened to knock the pair off. Kanda inched towards the edge and beckoned for Allen to do the same. Allen inched closer as well, trying to find some sort of lever to keep him from being blow off. The older exorcist rolled his eyes and grabbed the boy's hand to pull him closer. Gray eyes widened from the sudden contact of the other and then jerked his hand back from Kanda's grip. He didn't want to be fed false kindness, not if it was going to break him in the end.

Kanda looked to the boy who was now sitting on his own. Cold gray eyes glancing towards the blending colors, waiting for their next command.

Trying not to appear angry, Kanda too focused on the passing scenery, waiting for the right time to hop off.

"When I say jump, jump. No and if or buts." Allen nodded since the whole scene before him was just a blur of colors. "Jump!" They both jumped, landing as graceful as one could when jumping off a high speed train. Allen tumbled into the grass and Kanda fell backwards onto his back.

The exorcists stood and began to surveyed their surroundings. A few meters from the train tracks stood an abundant forest. The dark green leaves were perched extended branches that reached for the afternoon sky. The ground was littered with leaves and the forest seemed to continue past the eye can see.

Allen eyed the branches, expecting them to suddenly move and attack them. Kanda just gripped Mugen and strode forward. The boy blinked from his trance and followed his partner in the thick forest.

* * *

"Ho, so you're here too Allen-kun?" Golden eyes twinkled with joy, happy to have found her new toy. She bit a piece off of her lollipop and munched on the sweet candy. "Ne." The girl beckoned to her slaves near by. The mindless Akuma obeyed the implied command and were at her side. "Separate that white haired boy from the swordsman; I want to have some fun."

"Don't forget you're mission, Rhode-sama!" A higher leveled Akuma called out. Rhode just smirked.

"I won't. I just have to cause a little chaos here right?" She looked to the Akuma. "Besides, I just want to have a little bit of fun." Rhode jumped off of the level one Akuma, sticking the landing. The young girl grinned when she felt the boy's presence. A mixture of lost and broken filled the trial left behind by the white haired exorcist. _Yes…you'll be tons of fun Allen-kun._

* * *

Allen felt a chill run down his spine. An uncontrollable sense of danger followed immediately after.

"Is there seriously a damn town in this large fucking forest?!" Kanda shouted once more as he sliced a limb to clear out a path. Nothing had happened no matter how violent he was to the trees. They just stood there and took the abuse from Mugen. Nothing struck back, no noise was made, aside from Kanda's frequent cursing. Nothing happened at all. _Something isn't right._ Kanda thought as his sword cleared a small path. It was far too quiet for it to be a forest.

"Moyashi, keep a look out. Something isn't right-" before he could finish Allen's cursed eye became active. Just above the canopies, Allen had spotted a horde of low ranking Akuma. Within seconds the two triggered their innocents and within seconds the enemy was firing into the forest. "Damn it!" Kanda growled out as he leapt past the canopy and into battle. Allen poised himself to do the same, leapt gracefully from branch to branch and into enemy view but a pair of arms suddenly latched around his middle, preventing him from doing so. He quickly turned to see if maybe it was someone who was lost in the forest but paled upon seeing the Noah.

"Allen-kun!" Rhode gleefully called out.

"R-Rhode?" Allen chocked out. He attempted to unlatch the Noah's hands, but Rhode held on tighter. A sudden pang of fear too control of him as the view around him become distorted. Allen felt the reality he knew slip and give into Rhodes twisted one.

"Ne, Allen-kun, lets play." She grinned, her body already melting and fading away into the pending darkness. The trees around him seemed to become like water, rippling about and changing. Darkness covered the green and brown and soon silence followed in its wake. He stood in the center of this dark realm Rhode had created; he stood alone and in darkness. "You like games, right Allen-kun?" Her voice echoed sweetly off imaginary walls. The boy stood firm. He knew from his own experience that Rhode had the ability to create her own world.

Allen looked out to the darkness, ignoring the fear attempting to wash over his senses. Cautious eyes scanned the area. The boy's eyes widened when, in the distances, was a familiar figure approaching him. Allen was able to make out the broad smile that made crowds cheer and beg for more, the atrocious clown suit that the man wore with pride and the soft, kind eyes that Allen missed.

"Mana!" The boy cried out happily towards his deceased foster father. Allen's heart thumped violently in his chests. The man who had cared for him since he was a boy was back and before him. He did not heed the fact that he was still in Rhode's reality. Caution was gone with the wind as he ran to hug Mana.

Mana took the boy into his arms, pulling him closer. Allen could feel the warmth emitted from his foster father. The memory of cold skin from when Mana died began to dissapate. He could hear the steady heart beats and the warm breath, that smelled a bit bad. _Mana._ His mind cried out happily.

The older man broke apart the hug, pulling Allen back as if to get a good look at the boy. His broad smile faltered. Beady eyes darted up and down, back and forth, looking for something.

"Mana?"

"Where is he?" Mana asked loudly. He jerked Allen's arm up and peered behind him to see if maybe what he was looking for was in the darkness behind him. "Where is he?" Mana asked again worriedly and his tone boarder lining hysteria. Allen's heart clenched with fear and sorrow. His mind blanked and he could feel the numbness washing through out his veins. "Brother! Where are you!" Mana cried out.

Gray eyes widened. The controlled sorrow he had contained broke forth like a dam, shattering his mind.

"M-Mana?" Allen's voice strained out. The man looked down to the boy and began to smile once more.

"Oh there you are!" He brought the exorcist into a soft hug. "I missed you brother, I missed you."

Allen felt his whole world fall apart.

* * *

Rhode's grin widened upon feeling the boy's mind shatter. _I thought you would have lasted longer Allen-kun._ Her small hands grasped Allen's blackened hand, fingering the innocents within it. _Oh well, it was still fun._

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" She jumped away from the lifeless Allen, barely dodging the blade of an angered swordsman. Kanda stood over his comrades slumped form, protecting him from the Noah.

"You're no fun." The Noah pouted. Kanda ignored her, wishing the boy would break from whatever trance he was in.

"Moyashi, wake up now!" The exorcist commanded, but Allen did not stir.

"Let Allen-kun live in his own little world for a while longer." He heard Rhode speak out like a child. All sweet and innocent. Kanda knew that was an act, she was the one that drove Lavi into an emotionless state.

"What did you do?" Anger coursed through him. A small laughter echoed through out the small clearing as Rhode began to flee. Kanda wished to move to stop her but feared that if he did then Allen would be harmed once more.

"I showed him what he fears most." She was gone, Kanda had let her go. The second Rhode was no where in sight, Allen woke up.

The Japanese Exorcist felt a small tug on the back of his coat. He turned and found the glassy silver eyes looking to him in tears, hollowed out and shinning with a sadness none could compare to. The boy looked broken.

"Moyashi?" Kanda squatted down, wishing to do more than just stare at the tears cascading down the other's pale face. Allen had mumbled something, something Kanda hadn't caught. "Don't mumble." The boy repeated it again.

"I hate it." _It?_ Kanda wondered. "I hate it! I want it to go away!"

"What do you hate Moyashi?" If possible, the boy cried harder, muffling his agonizing wails with his knees, burying his face into his pants. He refused to answer the simple question and shied away from the other's touch. Kanda was left to just sit and stare as Allen cried his heart out, crying out the tears that he kept in to keep himself together. He was falling apart, Kanda could see.

"Go away! Go away! Go away!" Allen screamed. He wanted to be alone, he didn't want to see anyone else anymore. Because if he did then he would put on the fake smile that fooled many, he would act happy even though he was breaking apart. He didn't want to see anyone one, he didn't want anyone to see him.

"Moyashi-"

"Leave me alone!" He cried. Kanda watched the boy, afraid to say anything more. He wished to reach out but kept his hands by his sides. Kanda wouldn't be able to bring the boy back from this immense sorrow, he didn't know how. The only thing Kanda did know, though, was he wouldn't leave the boy's side, no matter how much Allen wanted him gone.

"I'm not leaving." He said, ignoring the small voice in the back of his mind telling him to leave the boy alone.

"Go away!" Allen screamed again, once more Kanda ignored him.

"I'm not fucking leaving Moyashi!"

"Why do you care?!" Allen sobbed into his knees.

"Because I…because we can't afford to lose another exorcist this far into the war." There was a long pause, Allen hadn't made a sound and Kanda hadn't even dared to breathe.

"I guess…that's my only purpose." The bubble mumbled into a weak chuckle. That line felt even worse than the vision Allen had just endured.

* * *

Okay! I swear I meant to write this on Friday and post it Saturday.

GiantFlyingSquirrel: Then she got sucked into helping me clean my room. :)

EvilChinchilla: Okay! You see, my computer is broken! I'm using GFS's computer. I'm always using her computer. Its like some tradition for me.

GFS: Mind leaving that tradition then?

EvilChinchilla: Anyways! I had to pick up the mess I made in her room (well not 'had to' more like 'wanted to' because it was very messy) and that took forever because we kept getting sidetracked. So yeah! My lame excuse. Though I can not come up with any excuse for the horrible content in this chapter. I am so sorry Sora pwns x3. This chapter will annoy you. And I'm sorry to all readers, this chapter is by far the worst I have ever written. Wait, I have an excuse, GFS STOLE THE MUSE!

GFS: ...I did?

EvilChinchilla: Well, thank you all reviewers. And they are... Dooter-Space-Shooter, whisperypath, azab, Belladonna-Isabella, Erendyce, Sora pwns x3, Lily-chu, Aion Laven Walker, kaydoodle, glon morski, and Darkz13! Thank you for reviewing!

Chinchilla out!


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer=not mine.

I am so sorry I'm so late on the updating! And I am sorry that I made you wait and gave you this small terrible chapter. I blame GFS! I use her computer since mine is still broken and her's had to go and break too!!

GFS: It is a sign Chinchilla. It is saying 'Don't use computers!!!'

Anyways, GFS managed to fix hers and thus allowing me to update! I am sorry to all and please forgive me. -sulks in the corner of defeat-

* * *

Kanda watched as Allen sat there motionless. A far of gaze had filled the dim silver orbs. They were glazed over with a mixture of hopeless grief and abandonment. His face had become cold and impassive, only giving away his immense sorrow in his usual happy aura. Allen looked dead to the world, hopeless to Kanda and saddened to any viewers. Kanda felt compelled to say something, anything, to get the forgiven look off the British exorcist.

"Moyashi-"

"Save it." Allen mumbled. His voice seemed flat without care, like he had given up on everything. "I don't care anymore." The boy stood up. He stood tall, yet weak. He slumped, like a great burden had suddenly been infused into his being and was weighing him down. Imaginary bricks sat on small shoulders that slumped, his arms dangled to his sides uselessly, unlike before.

Allen looked broken.

Kanda took one last inspection of his comrade before turning his back. "Fine then. Lets continue with the mission." The Japanese exorcist strode forward with false pride and once more began cutting the thickened trees one by one. Allen followed silently. The broken silver headed boy followed wordlessly and obediently into the forest.

It was about half an hour later a transmission came through on Kanda's golem.

"What the hell is it Komui?" Kanda growled towards the black golem that flapped quietly around his face.

"_There's been a mistake, the Finders that were attacked suddenly went missing. Return immediately before something happens."_ Komui's voice came from the golem. Kanda simply glared at the bit of information.

"Well, too late Komui. Coulda used that information about half an hour ago. We were ambushed by a Noah." He looked towards his silent partner, noting that the boy was still within viewing distance.

"_Are you two okay?"_ The scientist practically screamed worriedly into the transmitter.

"I'm not a hundred percent sure anymore." He eyed the silver headed boy who seemed to have taken an interest in the dirt beneath their feet. "Rhode got a hold of the Moyashi and before you start to panic Komui," Komui had already began babbling into the transmitter, "she drew no blood and instead retreated. Physically he's fine, mentally, though, is a whole different story."

A long silence followed.

"_Return to head quarters immediately."_ Was all they were told before the connection died. Kanda turned to the broken boy who in turned just stared back coldly.

"You heard him, lets go." The older exorcist retreated. Allen watched his back, watched his hair sway elegantly and gently much like fine silk blowing in the wind. He watched the very person he admired, respected and perhaps loved; he watched silently and yearningly at the very back he had loved to watch before disappear from view. Yet, even as the same emotions pulsed through out his being he could feel a sinister coldness begin to fill him. Just watching that back disappear left him cold. _But even being with Kanda is like a dagger being plunged into my heart._ Allen thought and began to follow Kanda out of the forest.

The two made their way back to the meadow and near the train tracks. The sun was still set in the sky, refusing to give way to night. The pair began to walk along the tracks, hoping to make their way to town soon. Silence whispered in their ears. Only their light breathing could be heard. Nothing but silence followed the pair back to town.

They had walked back to town, taking a grand total of four hours. Dusk had come and so had the final train that the two boarded. The carts were empty, and silent. The whole train it self seemed to have gone quiet as if sensing the troubled thoughts of its passengers. It did not clank and grumble like it normally would but instead seemed to create a soft lullaby.

Allen leaned against the wall of the cart, concentrating on everything but Kanda and the window. He listened to the smooth lullaby being sung to him, and the gentleness of the ride rocking him to sleep. His eyes began to close and soon he was in his own little world, trapped by his nightmarish thoughts and worst fears.

Kanda just watched, acting as if he was nothing more than a viewer rather than a comrade. He did not know how to console such a broken boy nor did he know what to say. He already screwed up enough it Allen's mental state was of any indications. Concerned eyes took in the view of the sleeping exorcist. Watching, waiting, viewing, as Allen's face contorted with fear. He listened, hearing the muffled cries and pleads. He just watched and listened, not once reaching out to console. He forced his heart to become a stone and lied to himself saying it was for the greater good.

So torn between wishing to help and stopping his body from doing anything, Kanda had missed the segment of Allen's whimpers that called out to be saved by the very same person who was destroying him.

When the train stopped, Allen awoke. He awoke disoriented and scared but soon saw that he was nearly in the comfort of his home. Kanda said nothing and instead left the train. Allen followed. Through the narrow halls and outside into the dark station. The pair stepped out and was soon welcomed by the over joyous greetings of their long time friends.

"Oi Yuu-chan! Moyashi-chan!" Lavi shouted with a grin. Lenalee looked to her younger friend with worry. The Japanese glared towards the red head, gripping his sheathed sword warningly. "Komui said to meet up with you guys and take you to the inn he booked!" The red head sauntered over. "The inn is nice too by the way. Lovely woman, free massages, bathhouse and-"

"Lavi, they get the point!" Lenalee sighed. "Come. Its already late, I'm pretty sure you two want to rest up." The woman lead the way towards their stay and happily showed the three other men the rooms and who was bunked up with who.

"You two can pair up together, I want to talk to Allen-kun alone." She said and shooed the older two away from the youngest of the group. Allen said nothing and gave away nothing. He simply stood and allowed Lenalee to drag him to one of the reserved rooms.

Once in the safe confinements of the room, the girl looked over with a stare that spoke its own words.

"Allen-kun, you're not normally this standoffish." She started out. Purple eyes seized up the silver headed boy with a worried frown. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Allen flatly said. He stood in the middle of the room, being inspected by the other.

"You're lying. Please tell me what's going on." Lenalee sat on one of the twin sized beds with a begging look in her purple irises.

"It's nothing." His voice was breaking, just thinking about the hurtful words and the feeling of never being wanted. Maybe that's why everyone left? No one wanted to be around the sad little boy with a cursed eye, deformed arm and snowy hair. Who would want an imperfect being when they could have some other person instead?

"Allen-kun?" He broke down crying once more, weakly standing there. Tears leaked from his eyes and cascaded down his pale cheeks.

Lenalee was at his side in an instant, embracing the trembling boy in a comforting hug and attempting to ease away his sorrow. Allen just babbled incoherently about everything, his life, Mana, Kanda and about his very existence. The words rambled on, the sentences strung together disjointedly much like a mismatched puzzle piece. He rambled and cried while she listened and comforted.

"Sh, its okay Allen-kun. Its okay." She whispered and stroked his hair. Allen just cried. He had reached his breaking point, he had passed his breaking point and it felt like there was no way to go back.

* * *

Lavi looked to his tense friend. In all his years that he had known Kanda, he had never seen the swordsmen look so remorseful. He could have swore he heard an apology mumbled under the other's breath. Then again, he had also never seen Allen so broken. And if memory served correct, Rhode had gotten a hold of Allen. Who knew what kind of torture she put him through.

The red head shuddered at the memory of his own experience with the Noah's twisted game. He felt lucky to even be _alive_, forget sanity, he was still alive!

"So…how was the false mission?" Lavi boredly asked; he instantly regretted it as well. Kanda glared, his sword already in the process of being unsheathed. Lavi jumped up. "Now, now. No need to take out all that pent up frustration on a dear friend. I mean…think of all the times we shared?" An olive eye widened as the tip of Mugen became larger. _Shit…why did I get the psychotic one?!_ The Bookman apprentice thought as he ducked.

* * *

Lenalee heard a familiar shriek. _I hope Lavi is still alive…_ She focused on Allen once more, trying to make sense of the incoherent rambling.

"Allen-kun, I don't understand. What do you mean?" He continued to ramble. "Stay here, I'm going to get Kanda. He might be able to make sense of it." Just as she stood to leave, a small hand grabbed her wrist firmly with a reluctance to let go. Lenalee turned to find Allen begging through his silver orbs to stay. "You don't want me to get Kanda?" Her only response was his grip tightening. "Did…Kanda have something to do with it?"

She didn't get a response.

* * *

Lavi was huddled in a corner of the room he was forced to share with an anger swordsman who was still hell bent on beheading him. He jumped from his corner and away from the blade that came down mere seconds later.

"I only asked a question!" Lavi screamed pitifully as he crawled under one of the beds. Kanda gave no response and instead childishly chased his new named target. He crouched down onto the softened ruby carpet and thrust his blade under the blankets of the bed. Kanda heard a small screech, giving away whether he hit the target or not.

His friend reappeared on the other side of the bed with a panicked look on his face. "Do you know how close that was to my face?!"

"Not close enough. You're still alive." He deadpanned.

"Are you _trying_ to kill me?!"

"That a trick question?" Kanda lurched over the bed and continued his attempt on beheading his 'best friend'.

"I know you're angry Yuu-chan! Why, I have no clue, but you don't have to murder me to satisfy your thirst for blood!" Lavi cried out and leapt behind the other twin sized bed. Kanda glared once more and bared out his teeth.

"Stand fucking still and I might tell you." He thrust forward the blade once more and missed the moving target who was now trying to escape out the window.

A knock brought Kanda back to his sense. The weapon was once more resheathed and Lavi crawled back into the room still alert in case his friend decided to snap again. The grumpy exorcist opened the door to reveal an employee.

"Some guests are complaining, would you please keep it down in here?" The man asked, visibly shaking. Not that anyone would blame him, Kanda was pretty intimidating with his sheathed Mugen in his grasp.

"Tell the to go to hell." He slammed the door shut. The Japanese whirled around angrily. Lavi had, by now, taken a seat on the bed closest to the window, which was directly across from the door. Kanda strode over and sat himself on the other bed, refusing to look at his friend.

"Now are you ready to tell me what happened between you and Allen?"

"I'm the biggest asshole on this planet. That's all there is to it."

Kanda laid on his bed, his back turned to the other, and attempted to fall into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Lenalee had rocked Allen into an uneasy sleep. She listened to the cries and whimpers and heard, with a strained cry, the Japanese exorcist's name being begged for forgiveness.

* * *

"How did your mission go over Rhode?" Covered eyes sparkled with mischief. The small child looked up to the large man with a small smile.

"It went well Earl-sama." She looked up approvingly at the memory of probing her beloved's mind. "I saw Allen-kun there. I can't believe they dispatched him."

"Hm…"

"But they didn't send any generals like you hoped and the innocents we found there wasn't the heart." Rhode pouted childishly.

"Ah, well, don't fret. We're one innocence closer to fulfilling out goal." He affectionately patter her head with a smile. The girl grinned. _And next time I see you Allen-kun, I'll show you a world that's worse then you're little vision._

_

* * *

_

Again, I am SO sorry!!!!! I'm sorry to all who waited and wished for the next chapter and instead got this chapter!! It's horrible, I understand, and I am sorry but that is as good as I can get it with out a muse right now!! Thank you to those who reivewed last chapter! Lets see...thank you: Dooter-Space-Shooter, Sora pwns x3, Belladonna-Isabella, Lily-chu, glon morski, MitarashiDango, Aion Laven Walker, InfinityOnTheRun, whisperypath and Erendyce! I am sorry that this is all you have to look forward to!

Chinchilla out!


	6. Chapter 5

-sneaks around- Its almost mine...almost mine! -trips over a security guard- ....AAAHHH!! OK ITS NOT MINE!!! -runs away- (This is a disclaimer stating that I do not own D grayman or any of the characters other than the plot.)

Ok....so....you guys miss me? :) -hides- Now...before you go and throw whatever you have in your hands let me explain!!! .... -seconds go by and it remains eerily quiet- Ok I have no excuse. I was lazy! It was summer! My computer is still broke! I'm still stealing my friend's! (And she's kind of glaring at me right now...I should have made my presence known before entering her room....not scare her half to death. -sweatdrops-) Anyways!!! I am so sorry!! Forgive this evil chinchilla!!! I didn't mean to!!!!!

Onto the story now!

* * *

Lenalee all through out the night had kept a close eye on the snowy haired boy. She listened to his whimpers, his cries and occasionally wiped away a few tears. Through out the night, though, Allen had called for Kanda. He cried about Kanda, for Kanda, begging for forgiveness for a crime she didn't know of. Allen was a wreck, an emotional wreck.

Soft, lavender eyes glanced to the door separating her from the Japanese exorcist in the room next door. _Kanda…what did you do?_ She silently questioned before checking on Allen once more.

* * *

It would be a lie to say Kanda fell asleep peacefully. No, it was the opposite. He didn't fall asleep. Instead he was up and about thinking of ways to mend the broken boy. He clearly couldn't just waltz right in and apologize because his pride wouldn't allow it and he had hurt Allen far beyond an apology. He could try taking the boy out for a meal. There was a restaurant near by that sold his favorite sweets but Allen wouldn't even glance at Kanda anymore, let alone hear him out. All possibilities were closed because of his stubbornness and his insistency that it was all to keep the younger safe.

A small knock roused him from his thoughts.

Angered orbs glared at the offending slab of wood before getting off the messy bed and opened the door. On the other side stood an exhausted, but determined, Lenalee returning Kanda's glare at full force. The Japanese exorcist mentally snorted at the thought of an intimidating Lenalee before opening it further, beckoning her to come in.

She strode in as if she were the queen. Her boots softly hitting the carpeted ground before coming to a still. Her back was towards the other male as her hands angrily clenched her uniform. "What happened?" Her soft, angelic voice was tainted with anger as she calmly spoke out. Kanda stood tall, stiff and rigged.

"Tch. Like I need to tell you." He grumbled, folding his arms over her torso. Lenalee stiffened angrily at the uncooperative attitude of the other. In the room next door there was a boy who already broke beyond repair and here in this room was the culprit who lent a hand in his destruction.

"You…don't know do you?" She had whispered, her form shaking in pure rage. Quickly she spun on her heels and faced Kanda. Her purple eyes leaking tears of frustration and anger, decorating her delicate face. "He's broke Kanda!" Lenalee screamed, uncaring that she was waking Lavi from his slumber. "He doesn't sleep peacefully; he cries out for you. He _cries_ out for _you_! He won't speak to me and-and," Her hands immediately flew to her face, muffling her sobs. It was too much to bear, to watch your friend slowly lose his will and you not being able to do a damn thing to stop it. "He begs for forgiveness from you; he cries in his sleep yet…yet you don't do a damn thing about it?!" She cried out in a sob.

Lavi, by now, awoke and gave a wondering stare to the other male exorcist. Kanda brushed it off, acting as indifferent as possible.

"I didn't do anything." He angrily growled out. "If he couldn't handle the pressure that comes with being an exorcist then he shouldn't have come! He shouldn't have walked in the damned headquarters if this was going to be the turn out." Though he lashed out those words, though he may have appeared angry, he wasn't. If anything he was remorseful. He regretted harming the delicate boy, he regretting feeding those angry lies to his friends. But his pride wouldn't allow him to admit he was wrong, his protective side told him to keep this small secret away from the pure boy.

"Yuu," Dark eyes looked to the red head approaching him calmly but quickly. Kanda had seen if coming; he saw the balled up fist from the overprotective red head aimed towards his lower jaw but he made no move to stop it. His punishment came as he took a few steps back from the force. "Quit being a pansy and tell Allen how you feel." Lavi was glaring, seething in anger. Kanda had hurt Allen; Kanda had hurt Lenalee and if Kanda had hurt those two then he had also hurt Lavi as well. And no one, no one, got away with hurting his friends.

Tenderly, Kanda clamped a hand on the sure to be bruise over his lower jaw. Vaguely the exorcist wondered if Lavi knew what Kanda was hiding or if he meant it another way. None the less, Kanda stood firm, gritting his teeth and standing tall in a useless battle against his ego and his friends.

"No," and he stormed out of the room.

Lavi watched his best friend leave and he let out a warily sigh as he attempted to calm the weeping girl down. Why did Kanda have to be so difficult?

A knowing grin spread onto his face.

* * *

Kanda opened the door hastily like he did not want to be caught trespassing into the room he as begged to go into. Walking in he immediately saw the boy sleeping not-so peacefully on the soft beds of the Inn. Muffled cries were heard as well as whimpers and tears glistened in the dark room. Rooted on the spot, Kanda fought down the urge to high-tail it out of there. Instead he brought one foot forward slowly but surely. Minuets passed by before the man finally crossed the small room.

Allen continued to cry out his apologies not just limited to Kanda, but to everyone he knew. He cried to those lost in battle, to the Akuma and to Mana. He was a broken boy, a broken child, and softly, Kanda ran his hand through soft silky locks.

It was as if his hand was a miracle. The tears lessened, the whimpers ceased. Allen just laid on the bed with a tear here and there. As Kanda continued to run his hand through the soft locks, Allen continued to remain quiet.

Minuets had passed and Kanda made no move to walk away. He was finally seeing the peaceful exorcist who walked in the Headquarters that very first day. He was once more seeing the Allen everyone knew before the Noah's had taken away his best trait. The will to live, the will to fight. Who knew when Allen had last that, who knew when the boy's smiled became more and more phony? No one knew behind that well fabricated façade what was actually running through the child's mind. Now when he could no longer hide the overwhelming sorrow Kanda merely pushed him to the brink of insanity.

Pale hands stilled upon seeing the cold, gray eyes staring inquisitively towards the other exorcist.

"Wha-"

"Don't let what the Noah did affect you." Kanda blurted out, withdrawing his hand as Allen sat up from the bed. "What she does is play on your fears; it's not real." He couldn't bear to see the red, puffy eyes of the younger, the hurt look across the boys face. He looked away, staring at a wall to his right. A pitiful chuckle caught his ears.

"How do you know that?" Kanda refused to look. He already knew what he would see and he didn't need to see it for it might break his _own_ will.

"Because she's the Noah of dreams. Even Lavi was able to pull through."

"Yes." Through the corner of his eyes he could see the gray eyes he adored so spew forth tears much like a broken dam. Pink lips were turned downwards as the boy tried so hard to remain stoic. "I'm sorry."

Kanda turned, shocked at the words coming from the boys mouth.

"I'm sorry Kanda." Allen repeated again as more and more tears spilled forth. "I didn't mean to become a burden."

"Che." Kanda lightly whacked the boys head, repressing the urge to take the boy in his arms. "Get better then. We're one exorcist short on the field." Allen let forth a shaky, fake smile at those words. _I'm nothing more than an object to Kanda, am I?_ "And…I _guess_ I kind of miss you're short ass, naive self running around trying to help everyone with your damn smiles." Kanda grumbled, turning away with a small, light blush. Allen's eyes widened upon hearing those words.

"You-"

"This discussion never happened!" Kanda sternly said before exiting the room quickly. Allen was left alone in the darkness but it was okay. He was okay being left alone in the dark room because he knew one thing: there were actually those who cared. Smiling genially, Allen laid back down and fell into a peaceful sleep for the first time in ages.

* * *

I'm still suffering from D grayman withdraws. DX WAAHHH!!! Why did it have to be put back on haitus?!?!?! Its like they love torturing us!! (GFS: Because they do.) Enough of your negativy GFS!!! (GFS: I was typing...you grab my computer, save my document and start writing something else...who wouldn' be negative about that?) But....but you gave up your computer for a good cause!! I mean...look!! All my loyal readers now have a chapter to look forward to reading. (GFS: ....) Didn't work huh? (GFS: Not one bit.) -cry- Ok! Sorry about the long wait. Bad news, I lost my 'ingenious' plot when my friend rebooted her comp that one time. So...I'm going to be playing it by ear for a while. DX Sorry guys.


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